Home > Contemplations > A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed – Or So They Tell Us

A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed – Or So They Tell Us


<rant>

This post has been written with A LOT of anger. However, at the end of the day, everything that has happened falls to me as my fault. I very easily could have made sure it didn’t happen the way it did. BUT it would have also meant ignoring the wisdom imparted to us by our parents and society.

I have always tried to follow the “rules of being a good person” I’ve been taught growing up, be it by my parents or by society. However, I am coming to realize more and more that these rules are a load of garbage. The saying goes “a friend in need is a friend indeed.” This means, they tell us to be there for your friends and always help them out in the time of need. That is something I have always tried to do however, somehow no one else ever seems to care enough about me to help me out in my time of need. I look out for my friends but it seems more often than not they are not looking out for me. Maybe I have had the terrible luck to only have a bulk of friends who take advantage of my good nature in my near 30 years on this Earth which in a way I sort of hope is true. Seems to me that more often than not most people are looking out for themselves and only themselves and the rest of the world can go to hell as far as they are concerned.

What is prompting me to write this? Well a lot of things to be honest but one thing in specific.

Some of my readers may have wondered why I posted such a short post last night and now I will tell you. The reason for this was because I have a friend I have been very tight with for a long time and last night he messaged me that he wanted to go out. I told him I was already doing a number of things and that we might go out later but I couldn’t promise anything. He proceeded to guilt trip me over the next 2 hours to come out to grab a beer with him (on him) even though I had a million things to do that night and had to wake up early the next morning. The fact that I went out last night with him is also why I posted such a crappy, short post last night – he was busy messaging me and giving me a guilt trip as I was trying to think of what to write and how to write it saying that he was asking me for an “important favor”. Notice, he wouldn’t tell me what was such a huge issue that he had to get out of the house just that it was important.

I, in retrospect stupidly, gave in to his guilt trip and went out with him for “1 or 2 beers” which turned into over 2 hours. We were out til 1:30am and when I told him I was dead tired and wanted to go home (remember I drove in my car) and he shouldn’t get to get McDonald’s take out did he listen? NOPE!!! He didn’t give a crap about me, he wanted to get his food and my feelings on the matter didn’t factor in to the equation. I am well aware that the time spent getting the food was probably under 5 minutes but it was the principle of the matter that really ticked me off about that.

I should have just left him at the McDonald’s, people only respect you in this world when you’re a jerk to them it seems. But I didn’t, I waited for him to go get his fast food at 1:30 am after we were out for 2 hours and I was supposed to be awake in 5 hours to make it downtown on time. I was supposed to be downtown for an event that not only was I done a huge favor by being given the expensive ticket for free, I really wanted to hear all the speakers and what they had to say.

So what was this huge thing that he needed to get out of the house so badly? He had a fight with his wife over her mother’s reaction to their plans to move out of the city. It wasn’t even a real fight! It was just a fight as the result of an overly emotional response to news. This is the kind of fight which is probably completely GONE by today. The results for me? Instead of waking up early to go to a conference I really wanted to be at on time (downtown at 8:30am) I slept through my alarm, disappointed my editor, missed the first 2 hours of the event and wrote the bulk of this post from the subway at 11am en route to the event which started at 9am.

When I sent him a number of messages today (and called him 3 times) did he respond with a proper/real apology? NOPE.

His first response to my torrent of messages (when he didn’t answer the phone the first two times) “Set an alarm.” Thanks Einstein, but I was so dead tired I slept through it.

When I said I did and I slept through it his response: “OK don’t blame me for that…I’m sorry for asking you to come out.” Really? I shouldn’t blame you for pestering me and calling our friendship into question until I agreed to go out to with you only so you can keep me out when you knew I had to be up early so I was so exhausted I slept through my alarm? No, that had clearly nothing to do with you.

The point of this post is a learning experience for me and I hope everyone out there can learn from it so you don’t make the same mistakes I did. Always remember YOU ARE #1. Look out for yourself because more often than not you’re the only one doing so.

Unfortunately, the world we live in educates us one way and then seems to reward people who know which of the lessons to ignore. That’s the reason for the other age old axiom: “Nice guys finish last”. I have always been somewhat of a scholastic autodidact but in terms of societal lessons I was a believer and learned the lessons taught. Silly me.

Maybe I am being too negative and will come to regret this post. Maybe I am looking at this whole situation wrong. Maybe I’m not…what do you think?

</rant>

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  1. Dustin Plett
    March 8, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    The evening I met you you generously offered me a ride home. After reading this I want to say thanks again, I appreciated it.

    Friends let friends down. That’s a reality. All you can do is keep the good ones close and put appropriate distance between yourself and those holding you back.

    Keep your head up, Buddy – there’s a lot of great, sincere people out there.

    • March 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

      Thanks you for your kind words and comment. I agree that no one is perfect but I was more than anything disappointed in the lack of remorse or real apology.

      Honestly, he is really a great guy and a great friend 99.9% of the time.

      I was also UBER pissed when I wrote the post (as I said in the post).

  2. March 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Honestly bud sometimes you just have to put your foot down. I get the whole 2 hours of messaging but a firm “no” somewhere along the line likely would have iced it. That or just make your case and if they’re persistent ignore them. There are so few real emergencies in the world and if persistent texts/BBM are the way someone wants to get something off their chest, it can’t be THAT important.

    • March 9, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      Very true. I never did give an absolute no but it is my honesty which came to back bite me there. When he asked if I was game to go out after the thing I originally went to I said “Maybe but probably not”.
      At the time I thought there was a slight possibility of me being able to make it out & blog and do the 2 other things I had to do that eve but one of them I ended up staying way longer than originally intended (by my own choice). I never gave a firm no. Clearly I should have.
      Thanks for the words Justin!

  3. March 10, 2011 at 10:48 am

    Here’s my opinion, though you may not like it. 🙂 (dont hate me!!!)

    In the end, ultimately – the decision to go out, the decision to stay out, the decision to go to McDs – were all yours. I say this to my girlfriends who bitch about their boyfriends being such assholes: ‘You’re with him. If you’re choosing to be with him, then you’re choosing to put up with his BS’. The same applies to your situation. Your friend sounds very selfish, but at the end of the day, you tolerate it. There must be some good that comes from him….otherwise, you wouldn’t be friends (unless you’re just a silly goose who needs to be knocked upside the head, which I don’t think you are!). 😉

    Sometimes…no…all the time, you have to take the good with the bad. When the bad starts outweighing the good, that’s when you pull the chute.

    Now I’m craving a Big Mac. Thanks a LOT Dan. *yeesh* 😉

    • March 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

      You’re absolutely right, it was all my fault for not choosing to leave and for choosing to go out. New rule for him (if it will be even slightly inconvenient for me) is he no longer has my trust when he says he needs to get out of the house and wants to chill. He will now be bound to give me a reason why he needs to get out of the house. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
      Did you get your Big Mac? Did I just remind you of your craving? (Oops!) I didn’t actually go in to the McD’s I sat outside in the car and considered leaving him there.

  4. Betty
    May 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    I am fifty two and having hadcloads of friends in my thirties nowchave very few. Thecreason being aim sick of peopleccommenting on my life-and how I choosevto livecit. Iam a yes person always willing to help go to their restaurant of choice etc and as soon as I wised up and started to say no and became the person I wanted to be they didn’t like it. Be true to you and don’t compromise too much you’ll regret itvand getvput upon all thecmore.

    • May 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

      Thanks for your input on this Betty!

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