Home > Contemplations > Proper Etiquette Or Sexist? A Question

Proper Etiquette Or Sexist? A Question


To be clear, before I begin, isn’t a lot of what we do and call chivalry sexism?

Anyhow, I am sitting in my friends house in Dundas, Ontario tonight after Shabbat (Sabbath) Dinner and just talking. My friend is in from England just for the weekend and I picked him up from the airport so we are just hanging out drinking a bottle of Johnnie Walker 15 Year Pure Malt (aka Green Label). His younger sister – we’ll call her J5 – is also sitting with us, and we are all talking and just hanging out.
A question arose where I was going to offer my friend’s sister a ride somewhere with two friends of mine who are guys. The issue is my friend Jon doesn’t know these other two guys.
Now, as a matter of etiquette and respect for him I thought it the right thing to do to ask him if he was OK with me offering her this ride. She got pretty offended by this which spawned this blog post. As a way of explanation J5 is 6 years younger than me and Jon and I’ve known her since she was 9. For someone who comes from a family of 4 boys and no girls, my good friends’ younger sisters who I watched grow up I always had a special place in my heart for and considered them akin to my own sisters.

I think it is completely the proper thing to do to ask Jon about offering J5 the ride and it wasn’t sexist. She seemed to feel it was a bit sexist that I asked Jon permission. Jon then made the point that if he told me not to offer J5 the ride and not to offer to get her into the event she wants to go to (which I may be able to get her into) that I wouldn’t. I, of course, agreed that if Jon said not to offer her either the ride or entrance I would accede to his request.
What do you think folks? Is what I did and my position on this right or wrong? Was it a sexist or was it etiquette? I’m wondering if the answers to this will split along gender lines.

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  1. April 30, 2011 at 7:54 am | #1

    Not Sexist! I think you were doing it out of respect for the family in general. I might have even asked had it been two of my female friends in the car, the friend was a woman and it was her younger brother. It’s to AVOID any such problems. Tell the sister to shut up and take the ride and appreciate that you and her brother are looking out for her.

    • April 30, 2011 at 10:09 pm | #2

      Thanks! Not exactly the way I was expecting a lady to answer to be honest but good to know that I am not a sexist (on this one) from a female vantage point!

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