Home > Contemplations > Online Dating: Is There A Stigma Anymore?

Online Dating: Is There A Stigma Anymore?

The above logos are for, obviously – jdate.comokcupid.comsinglesaroundme.com, and match.com. Cards on the table – I have, in the past, signed for an account with JDate (wonder if it’s still there), have an account with Singles Around Me but never check it…there was a ‘free for life’ offer on the BlackBerry app so I figured I may as well download it, have heard a lot of good things from my friends (male & female) about OK Cupid, and Match.com is one of the sites that just came to mind (I suppose I just proved their advertising/branding worked). In fact, one of my friends actually met his now wife on JDate…I wouldn’t mention this if they hadn’t mentioned it themselves at their wedding.

But is there a stigma anymore to online dating? Ted, a character on ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ protests in an October 2007 episode that, “there’s no stigma anymore!’ To which his friends reply that they think quite the opposite. You can see the clip below but I recommend watching the full thing for Neil Patrick Harris‘ character Barney explaining the Hot Crazy Scale which is absolutely hilarious.

As you all already know, since my Valentine’s Day post of this past year, that I do believe in true love and there is someone out there for me who I will just naturally click with and when I meet that person I’ll just ‘know.’ The hard thing is that I know a person in my life right now who I would really like to go out with but even after I made my thoughts on the matter clear I have yet to hear a definitive answer one way or the other from this person. Is just trying to move on and get my mind clear of thinking of this person in that way – doubtful as I am about it happening in the near future –  the ‘romantic’ thing to do? Clearly I need to watch more chick-flicks and rom-coms to make a decision here, haha.

I think I would definitely prefer meeting a girl online as opposed to meeting a girl in a bar. Especially as, to me, the latter seem somewhat, I dunno, random and seedy. Maybe I should start doing my laundry in a public laundromat like the guy in the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights…it worked out well for him! Haha.

I think there is a huge social aspect to the stigma because if a ton of my friends and peers are using these online dating sites then in my particular social circle there really is no stigma anymore…is there? Let me know what you think. Obviously, I am not expecting my readers to all know my social circle because that would be a little weird but what’s it like in your social circle? Is there a stigma anymore to online dating?

  1. Jason Lambert
    October 12, 2011 at 2:17 am

    No more stigma Dan. Lots of nice people on some of these sites. You’ll find some crazy ones as well mind you. Personally, I met a great girl that I get along with on okcupid. Sometimes you have to step outside the circle and just put yourself out there. Hope you find what you’re looking for!

    • October 12, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      Nice, thanks for the reply Jason. Another success story from OKC which I didn’t hear about before I wrote this article. Glad to hear you met a great girl on it!

  2. October 12, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    I don’t think the stigma is the issue. It’s just that a lot of people on those sites are quite shallow. It’s not their fault, I guess, but being able to browse through hundred of profile pics and pretty much choosing from the pics creates that culture. I also find that people write complete malarkey on their descriptions a lot of the time. They list either banal or completely ridiculous things they like to do. I’ve seen people on there say that they like to build stone cairns, crawl behind lizards, build castles out of empty Coke cans, and walk along the beach even though they live in a landlocked province or state that gets mountains of snow (i.e. Alaska, Nunavut).

    People should just accept that many online daters just want to hook up. It’s ironic that people who go to those sites for hook ups are stigmatized by other users of the site who are “just looking for friends.”

    • October 12, 2011 at 2:23 pm

      Thanks for the input Mikchael!

      I haven’t browsed the sites in a while – but did decide to check out OKC today – so can’t really agree or disagree with your comment on what people write about in their profiles but what you said about it rings quite true from what I have heard. As well, the whole “just looking for friends” is, I agree, BS but I’d think guys would only not change that setting because they don’t think girls will like it. Girls won’t change the setting because they probably don’t want to be seen as a ‘slut.’

      Life would be so much easier if we all were less concerned about ‘stigma’ and were just honest with each other.

  3. October 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    i was on an online dating website for about a week, and then promptly deleted my profile. it’s just not for me.

    however, far be it from me to judge other people who swear by it.

    i think in our circles (ie the online social media circles), there is almost no stigma to it, since we all live our lives online. but people who live beyond our circles, i’ve noticed, still stick their noses up at it.

    and i agree with Nus, lots of people on there are shallow, vacuous, vain, and superficial.

    in the grand scheme of things, online dating websites are still so new. even after 10 years, we’re still adjusting to them. but in 20? 50? who knows.

    give us time, we’re slow learners.

  4. danah
    October 13, 2011 at 9:20 am

    There is no stigma at all.

    I used to use these by my issue is I am too romantic and meeting people with the intent of dating initially doesn’t do it for me. I guess i am waiting to find the random guy in the room that makes my heart flutter and the internets don’t do that for me. I just want to be friends with everyone i have ever met which isn’t what they want.

    I wish you luck.

    (I liked match.com by the way it was a good one)

  5. danah
    October 13, 2011 at 9:23 am

    As a note to the other comments and my own. I never go in looking to be friends, I just end up feeling that way. They seem great and totally dateable then i meet them and they are still great (generally) but there is no something that makes me want to pursue it further than friendship which i know isnt what they are looking for so I end up bowing out after a couple of dates.

  6. Alana
    October 19, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I met some wonderful folks over dating sites for about 9 months. When I finally decided to pull my profile after not meeting ‘the one’ (and an increasing fear of cyber-bumping into someone I know in real life), there was the greatest email waiting for me. Shortly after some correspondence, I had the most amazing first date with my now boyfriend of two years. We are living together, and everyone knows that we met online. At first it was awkward telling people, but now that we have two years behind us, “we met online” just rolls off the tongue.

    It’s only as awkward as you make it when you’re telling people.

  7. Don Bross
    November 8, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Hi, I have been following your blog for quite a while and seen allot of good post. But this one really does take the cake, how long did it take you to write this?

  1. May 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

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