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Friendship

November 13, 2011 Leave a comment

This wasn’t supposed to be a whole long essay but it somehow turned into 400+ words.

Recently I have been accused of not being a good friend to someone because I never hang out with them anymore. My only defense to this is that they only ever want to hang out and do one specific thing, never deviating. This one thing is not destructive nor is it illegal but it is boring to do over and over and over. This person has even refused to go to see a movie in the theater (even for free) because, “If [they] don’t like the movie [they’ll] still have to sit through the whole thing.” The rationale behind that statement is that if they watch a movie at home and they don’t like it they won’t have to watch the entire thing. To be fair, I have on very rare occasions gotten them to come out to other places than what is directly within their comfort zone.

The way I look at it, this is the kind of friendship which is like this street below:

This is problematic because in my mind it should be more like this street:

I am not trying to say this person isn’t a really great guy. In fact, he is one of the most giving people I know. BUT, this is only the case – it seems to me – when he gets his way and everything goes exactly the way he wants it to go. Deviate from those given parameters and suddenly I am not his friend anymore because “I never hang out” with him and only hang out with him when it is “convenient for me.” Well seeing as you only ever want to do one thing – and it has to be done exactly the way you want to do it with no other options on the table – I guess I am only doing it when it is convenient for me. Variety is the spice of life. I like variety, I like going out and doing other things, and sometimes I like just sitting at home. When you get invited to countless other things and even to just come hang out by me don’t get angry when I don’t want to go do this one other thing repeatedly.

Sidenote: Those “Two-way street” signs are REALLY few and far between in Toronto! That picture took a lot of GoogleMapping to find a street which went from being a one-way street and became a two-way street after an intersection necessitating that sign.

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Online Dating: Is There A Stigma Anymore?

October 11, 2011 10 comments

The above logos are for, obviously – jdate.comokcupid.comsinglesaroundme.com, and match.com. Cards on the table – I have, in the past, signed for an account with JDate (wonder if it’s still there), have an account with Singles Around Me but never check it…there was a ‘free for life’ offer on the BlackBerry app so I figured I may as well download it, have heard a lot of good things from my friends (male & female) about OK Cupid, and Match.com is one of the sites that just came to mind (I suppose I just proved their advertising/branding worked). In fact, one of my friends actually met his now wife on JDate…I wouldn’t mention this if they hadn’t mentioned it themselves at their wedding.

But is there a stigma anymore to online dating? Ted, a character on ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ protests in an October 2007 episode that, “there’s no stigma anymore!’ To which his friends reply that they think quite the opposite. You can see the clip below but I recommend watching the full thing for Neil Patrick Harris‘ character Barney explaining the Hot Crazy Scale which is absolutely hilarious.

As you all already know, since my Valentine’s Day post of this past year, that I do believe in true love and there is someone out there for me who I will just naturally click with and when I meet that person I’ll just ‘know.’ The hard thing is that I know a person in my life right now who I would really like to go out with but even after I made my thoughts on the matter clear I have yet to hear a definitive answer one way or the other from this person. Is just trying to move on and get my mind clear of thinking of this person in that way – doubtful as I am about it happening in the near future –  the ‘romantic’ thing to do? Clearly I need to watch more chick-flicks and rom-coms to make a decision here, haha.

I think I would definitely prefer meeting a girl online as opposed to meeting a girl in a bar. Especially as, to me, the latter seem somewhat, I dunno, random and seedy. Maybe I should start doing my laundry in a public laundromat like the guy in the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights…it worked out well for him! Haha.

I think there is a huge social aspect to the stigma because if a ton of my friends and peers are using these online dating sites then in my particular social circle there really is no stigma anymore…is there? Let me know what you think. Obviously, I am not expecting my readers to all know my social circle because that would be a little weird but what’s it like in your social circle? Is there a stigma anymore to online dating?

Friendship

January 29, 2011 7 comments

I had not a whole heck of a lot to post tonight to be perfectly honest.

However, if I am going to maintain my Post A Day 2011 I have to post something tonight.

So I have decided to get very personal.

If you follow my twitter account you may have seen my response to the #IfICouldTalkToAnyone hashtag started by Wind Mobile. If you didn’t see it the reply was that it would be a guy (and I named both of his Twitter handles) “…who was 1 of my best friends & now hates me & wont talk to me & I dunno know why“. Although other people had replied to the topic/hashtag with mostly celebrities or famous people and some with joking and ridiculous answers I put a lot of thought into my answer and that was honestly the most important person I could think of who I would like to have a conversation with.

Two days later, he answered me via Twitter. He hurled insults at me and called me “thick” for not knowing why he despises me so much. I truly do not know why he does and would not have written that tweet or this post if I did.

It is sad that this individual refuses to talk to me and seems to enjoy hating me so much. We were like brothers for about a decade. Maybe this is just a family squabble and one day we will be friends again. I personally believe that most people do not endeavor to be jerks and often when we think people are jerks their actions are merely being misinterpreted and misunderstood. I think we need more understanding of each other in the world and more rational, logical, unemotional discussion that leaves ego by the wayside. Sometimes we may need an intermediary to accomplish this but in general life is too short, in my opinion, for fights between friends of this nature.

In case you are wondering, the answer is no to any of the usual questions that might anger a friend with another. I didn’t steal his girlfriend. I didn’t embarrass him in public. I didn’t screw him out of money.

The only thing I can think of is that I did say something via BBM that he took serious insult to (and I didn’t expect such a serious reaction to it) but I apologized to him the next day when he called me about it. This last thing was about a year ago. If that is what this is all about I am truly sorry. I am apologizing in public. I am truly sorry. If I ever thought you would take that comment so seriously and we would be in this position a year later I wouldn’t have said it. It was a joke. It wasn’t a personal attack and it was not meant to be that serious. I said it then and I will say it again, beyond apologizing for my joke there is nothing more than I can do.

Life is too short to throw away a decade’s worth of friendship like that in my opinion. I am considering other options as to how I should deal with this situation and attempt to rectify it although friends have told me it isn’t worth my energy. I disagree with that and think there’s a way we can work things out if he would only speak to me calmly and without being verbally abusive towards me.

Do you have any friendships that ended which you wish you could repair? Have you repaired any friendships that fell on hard times? How did you do it?

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